


Relief With Your Heart

by tomfoolery14



Series: Flufftober 2020 [3]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Developing Relationship, Episode: s01e12 Malec, Fluff, M/M, this is kind of a mix of a coda and canon divergence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27002299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomfoolery14/pseuds/tomfoolery14
Summary: Alec looked pointedly down at his dress clothes. “I should change, but then, could I come over to the loft?”“Of course you can; you’re always welcome.” Magnus had this way of making him feel that there was legitimacy in what he needed, and repeatedly met him where he was without making him feel exposed or weak. “I can make us some tea, if you like?”“That sounds perfect,” Alec said softly, nodding.If he had learned anything from watching the trials and tribulations of his siblings in lust and, seldom, love, it was that it could not exist without vulnerability. For the first time, he felt safe to gamble the risk for himself.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Flufftober 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955182
Comments: 6
Kudos: 98





	Relief With Your Heart

**Author's Note:**

> written for flufftober - day 14: possibilities

Alec had always excelled as a leader, a soldier, because he had never known the luxury of wanting— _taking_ —for himself. It was what made him stand at the brink of pledging himself in perpetuity to someone he could never love, and even in the aftermath of the aborted nuptials, it made him sick to his stomach to think about just how far he could have gone. The fact that Magnus had come through the doors to make one last stand had given him more than just possibilities—it had granted him a stay of execution from regrets he hadn’t even had time to collect.

Still dressed in his wedding attire, Alec leaned against the stained-glass window that loomed above him in the deserted hallway. He was only just now starting to feel like he could breathe normally, away from the reticent gazes of judgment and discomfort that made his chest feel like it was being squeezed.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Magnus’ voice startled him upright, hands folded behind his back. “Hey. I didn’t know you were still here.” Heat crept up the back of Alec’s neck, and he couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever be able to look at Magnus without remembering how it felt to kiss him. Just the recollection of a kiss made his lips tingle faintly.

“Are you all right?” Magnus reached out to brush his knuckles against the back of Alec’s hand.

“Can we go somewhere and talk?” he asked instead, digging his blunt nails into his palm to ground himself. The shock from how quickly the events of the day had unfolded had worn off and left Alec with an uneasiness in the pit of his stomach over all the questions that were becoming an amalgamation of nonverbal panic. He liked to know what he was up against, to make the most informed decision for the greatest good—but this was a matter of the heart, and he had taken a leap of faith to follow it before. Only now, he wasn’t quite sure where he had landed.

There was something like relief in Magnus’ voice when he agreed. “I’d be happy to portal us somewhere right now, if you’d like.”

Alec looked pointedly down at his dress clothes. “I should change, but then, could I come over to the loft?”

“Of course you can; you’re always welcome.” Magnus had this way of making him feel that there was legitimacy in what he needed, and repeatedly met him where he was without making him feel exposed or weak. “I can make us some tea, if you like?”

“That sounds perfect,” Alec said softly, nodding.

If he had learned anything from watching the trials and tribulations of his siblings in lust and, seldom, love, it was that it could not exist without vulnerability. For the first time, he felt safe to gamble the risk for himself.

When he got back to his room, he stripped off his clothes and took a cursory, hot shower that soothed the ache of his tense muscles. By the time he was dressed to go to Magnus’ the weight of the day felt a little less heavy on his shoulders, and walking through the streets of New York to the loft felt like the start of a reprieve.

Alec had just stepped off the elevator when the door to Penthouse 1 opened—and Magnus was there to meet him with a smile. “Alexander. The kettle is on to boil, so we’ll have tea in just a few minutes.”

As he shouldered through the doorway, he reached instinctively to brush the back of Magnus’ hand with the pads of his fingers in greeting. They had kissed, truly kissed, just a few hours ago, and yet he felt suddenly very aware of the fact that he wasn’t sure where the boundary line between them lie. He was contending with the dissonance of his longing and his fear in a way he never had before. “I know this isn’t exactly the first date we’ve talked about, but I just…” Alec pursed his lips pensively, looking down at the scuffed toes of his boots. “I never really talk about how I feel but I—you make me want to. _This_ makes me want to.” His motions were slightly chaotic with adrenaline-fueled nerves as he gestured between them.

Without judgement or question, Magnus nodded. “Of course. Open communication is the cornerstone to any relationship.”

Alec couldn’t help the pleased flush that warmed his cheeks. “Are we together?” he heard himself asking, making the gentle pink blush turn deep crimson.

A painfully tender look of knowing crossed Magnus’ face and with a snap of his fingers, he had a steaming mug of tea in either hand. He offered one to Alec, then sat down on the couch next to where he was standing. “Do you want to be?”

Alec’s fingers tapped a nervous rhythm against the ceramic for a moment before he sat down. “I think so.”

“I don’t want you to think that my intention in showing up to your wedding was to force your hand, Alexander.” He looked over at the chair across from them wistfully, as if recalling a memory. “A dear friend reminded me that when the right kind of love comes back to me, it’s my time to fight for it, and what I feel when I’m with you is…that possibility, I suppose.” Turning his attention back to Alec, Magnus fixed him with a purposeful gaze.

“You were right about me, Magnus. Being around you, I’ve felt things that I didn’t even know I could. It’s like I’m someone I’ve never been before, and that terrifies me. But I also know that whoever I am with you, I think I want to be.” His pulse was pounding in his ears and throbbing beneath his skin. “I think you saved me, showing up when you did.”

Magnus reached over and intertwined their fingers tightly. “I could say the same, Alexander.”

Alec started to lean towards him, but stopped himself abruptly. Spending his life thus far wanting what he couldn’t have was not going to be so easily resolved. In this moment, he had someone beautiful and extraordinary who was letting him in if it was what he wanted, and yet wanting was a possibility he didn’t yet know how to take advantage of most times. “I don’t know how to want you the way that I do,” he admitted in a whisper.

“You’re already doing it.” And it sounded so simple when Magnus just said so, even when it had always felt anything but. “Do you want to touch me? You can—I want you to.”

Closing his eyes against the fear and the shame, Alec leaned forward to touch his forehead to Magnus’. A shaky breath escaped his lips unbidden.

“If you want, you’re welcome to stay here tonight. On separate couches, of course.” Alec could hear the smile in Magnus’ voice.

“Actually, I don’t think I would mind if you stayed here with me.”

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [tumblr](http://royaltybane.tumblr.com)


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